Mommy & Daddy Are Fighting Again
I really don't like it when people have heated arguments in front of me. I know, it makes everyone in the room not participating in the fight uncomfortable, but it goes beyond that for me.Maybe it's part of "youngest child syndrome," when my parents or siblings or both fought I would go to bed, cover my ears with my pillows and arms and will myself to sleep. I felt powerless so I would dive into denial. Oops! Looking it up, apparently the youngest child is traditionally the peacekeeper. Well, that wasn't me. I learned to sleep (or pretend to sleep) through just about anything. I would retreat into my imagination and remain until the sun rose and the coast was clear. It actually developed into a real problem for a while. Up until about 7 years ago, I would sleep through my alarm clock, ringing telephone, etc. I had learned to completely ignore outside noises while I slept. Unfortunately, I am now a fairly light sleeper and have not had a long deep sleep in years....
Anyway, back to my story. A discussion in my department between the two heads quickly escalated into a very loud and heated argument. First I felt extreme discomfort and I had an almost uncontrolable urge to leave the room. However, that wasn't an option because they were arguing over something in my jurisdiction. Instinct had me begin to block them out and I continued writing the e-mail I had begun, yet, denial was not an option either as I was pulled into the "discussion." Well, the issue has been temporarily been settled and everyone is still the best of friends. I know people were just getting worked up in general (there have been some schedule changes and working late nights) and the anger was not directed at me specifically. Still, I did not enjoy being pulled into into a situation I could do naught about.
Maybe that is partially why I am a control freak. I need to be in full command of the things I can control because I cannot emotionally handle things beyond it.
Fraught with a nervous engery High
brow
posted by highbrow @ 11:24 AM
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